Tuesday, June 19, 2007
I Could Never Care Enough
Sex and love and death. Millions (billions?) of years of evolution have taught me to be selfish, to live and procreate and want want want. A slow kiss full of meaning and longing. I want what I want and I don't want what I need. A sausage McMuffin. I spend my life surviving, doing what comes naturally and feeling bad about it. I shouldn't, you shouldn't, we shouldn't. A moment, a waste, a pile of clean, unfolded laundry. There are things we will never be (skinny kind moral self-disciplined committed meek subtle giving funny honest satisfied awake pleasant likeable generous faithful superhuman), and in the end maybe death is a small blessing, finally we are just a memory in the mind of someone we loved, which is something, then finally, finally we are free to just be nothing.
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4 comments:
wow, have you been reading The Echo Maker? this sounds like it could be a reaction to that deeply sad book. do you think we are nothing when we die? i still feel like there is something else, the eternity of the soul, something mysterious behind love beauty and true goodness that we are grasping for. but i think death is definitely a blessing, strange to say. i would hate to be immortally this..
even if there is something after life, we are still nothing to the world that we knew here. so that's what i mean about being nothing. who knows? anything could happen after we die. sometimes i hope reincarnation is real.
"I spend my life surviving, doing what comes naturally and feeling bad about it"
me too.
I might call you on my new cellular telephone...maybe.
I'm not anonymous anymore. I'm Matt and I love you. So don't die too soon, because you've still got a life to live and that is good for me.
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